“Just one more thing…”
A drink. Another question. A sudden, incredibly detailed story from a child who had apparently had nothing to say for the previous three hours.
If bedtime takes forever in your house, you’re not alone. Lots of children have sleep difficulties at some point, and for neurodivergent children they’re much more common. Research suggests that between half and three quarters of autistic children, and around half of children with ADHD, struggle with sleep. Most often the struggle is falling asleep.
Tired isn’t the same as ready for bedtime
Think about coming home after a conference or an exhausting day. Your body is tired, but your brain is still replaying conversations and running through tomorrow’s to-do list.
For many children, every day is a bit like a conference: hours of listening, managing friendships, following instructions and coping with noise.
For neurodivergent children, that day can demand even more. Research points to several reasons why settling can take longer: sensory load, difficulty moving from one state to another, and body clock differences, because some children produce melatonin (the hormone that signals sleep) later in the evening.
Bedtime may be the first quiet moment of the day
Children’s days are often packed with school, after-school activities, dinner and screens, and often there isn’t much free play, which is when they actually process the events of their day. Adults get little pockets of time to do this, like the drive home or a chat with a friend. Children often don’t.
So when the lights go down and they suddenly want to talk, it may be a delay tactic. Sometimes it probably is! But it may also be the first time their brain has had space to think.
What helps
- Predictable routines. As a mum who knows the pressures of kids’ sport, I’m not necessarily talking about the same bedtime every night, as that isn’t always practical. But doing the same steps in the same order tells the body what’s coming.
- Signals of rest. Dimmer lights, reading quietly, a familiar sensory tool or, of course, teddy bear belly breathing can all tell the nervous system: the busy part of the day is over, it’s time to rest.
- A little unhurried time. Ten minutes of free play, colouring or nothing much, but quiet, where nothing needs to happen. We’re just making room for them to talk and process their day with us.
- Support if you need it. If sleep difficulties are ongoing and affecting your child’s days, it’s worth talking to your GP or paediatrician. There are effective, well-researched supports available.
Sometimes the child with seventeen things to tell you at bedtime isn’t refusing to sleep. Their body is tired. Their brain is just still finishing the day.
Meet Teddy
While the Tedology Bear may look like a teddy bear, it is actually an emotional wellbeing kit designed to help children talk about feelings, feel calmer, and manage big emotions through connection and play.